“Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand.’”

— John 13:7

I’d heard the tragic news; it hadn’t seemed real. But now, as I made my way toward the small casket, there was no denying reality.

I stopped for a moment to peer in and whisper a quiet goodbye to the sweet young girl from church whose infectious joy could light up any room. To know her was to love her, and to love her was to see Her Jesus.

The sobs I’d been holding back began to seize me and threatened to spill forth. It simply hit too close to home for me. It was 21 years earlier that I had stood before the casket of another young girl – my 14-year-old cousin.

Both then and now, my broken heart wrestled with the same questions. Why, God? Why her? Why again? I just don’t get it …

God’s answer to my desperate pleas came softly: You do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand. (John 13:7)

Just as the disciples struggled to grasp what Jesus had told them was going to happen at the Last Supper, we too struggle to wrap our minds around what God’s plan is. And when we witness unthinkable tragedy, we cry out for answers  – Why did this happen? What good can come from something so terrible?

God holds the answers to all of these questions, but in his loving nature and gracious wisdom, he typically withholds them from us … for a time.

But once in a while, God may give us a peek – peeling back the curtain of eternity just a bit to show us a snapshot of the bigger picture. Although we can’t see all that He sees (yet), we can see enough to know that he is using our pain for good.

These moments are pure treasures to the heart of a Christ follower.

Over the past year, God has gently healed much of that hurt that I buried for so long. He took that pain I felt after losing my cousin and transformed it into something beautiful – hope. But God didn’t want me to just keep it to myself.

As it turned out, this hope was exactly what many of this beloved young girl’s friends needed right now.

I’ve since written letters to several of these friends, sharing my story of loss and encouraging them to cling tightly to Jesus. God-given words flowed from my soul and onto the page – words that I wished someone had told me 21 years ago.

I recently received the sweetest thank you note back from one of these young ladies, revealing that my words provided her with “a comfort I truly needed.” This message brings me happy tears every time I read it.

I’m so grateful to God for not only healing that long-repressed grief I carried for 21 years, but also for actively using my pain to bless a new generation today – this knowledge is more precious than gold … and that’s enough for me, for now.