On my way back from dropping my kids off at school this morning, I felt a song rising up in my soul – “Blessed Be Your Name.” If you’re not familiar, this song is based on one of the oldest written portions of the Bible:

Job spoke these words right after learning that he essentially lost everything – his wealth, his possessions, and all his children. He would soon be afflicted by painful sores and sickness and the rejection and rebuke of his very own wife and closest friends.

But through it all, he resisted the temptation to sin against God. He chose to praise the Lord, no matter what.

Today, I’ve been unemployed for exactly two months. It was unexpected and jarring, and it was the beginning of what I call the latest “Job season” in my life.

A few weeks after I lost my job, my brother was arrested, and my family was thrust into a period of trials that continues now and into the foreseeable future. I felt like I’d been knocked off my feet, and the shock of the situation left me mentally and emotionally paralyzed for several days.

Over the past two months, I’ve stacked up quite the number of rejections from the dozens of job interviews I’ve done – some of them damaged my confidence more than others, but every rejection has left a sting. It left me feeling hopeless, defeated and on the verge of giving up many times.

In the midst of all this, my husband has been plagued with intense anxiety and fear that he just can’t shake, and we are both struggling to navigate a difficult stretch of our parenting journey.

It’s safe to say, the Enemy hasn’t been pulling punches.

And then, one week ago today, I woke up to the worst national news – Charlie Kirk, whose debates and ministry I’d intermittently followed for years, had been assassinated. I simply couldn’t believe it.

“WHAT?!” I said out loud as I sat up in bed that morning, trying to process it.

My heart has been stuck in a perpetual grief cycle ever since – shock, sadness, numbness, depression, despair, all changing multiple times a day at the drop of a hat. Charlie’s wife, Erika, is my age – 35 years old – and it hit me hard knowing that in an instant, she not only lost the love of her life but is now a single mother tasked with raising two small children without their father by her side. I simply can’t imagine what that would be like …

It feels like I’m floating on a raft without a paddle in the middle of swirling rapids, powerless to control my circumstances or my feelings.

My prayers have been faint lately, too. I try to speak to God like I have in the past, but it has just been harder lately. I think to myself often these days: “I know you have a plan for me, God … but what are you doing?”

I’d be lying if I said my faith hasn’t been tested through this season. It’s a daily battle I’m weary of fighting.

But God.

I know He is up to something. I know He loves me beyond what I can fathom. I know He is with me, and He will remain with me to the ends of the earth. His grace and mercy and compassion will never fade away, and in a world where everything seems desperately out of control, my God never changes.

So I’ll choose to say, like Job, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” I’ll choose to praise Him, even now. I’ll choose to find my hope in Jesus, even when the Enemy rears his ugly head at every turn.

I picture myself a little child, lost in the forest and surrounded by dense fog. I can’t see what lies in front of me, and I’m scared to make a move in any direction. But breaking through the fog, I see a strong and mighty hand stretched out toward me, and I hear the comforting voice of my Father, saying to me:

“Just take this next step with me.”